I forgot that I'm a girl

It was summer when I first noticed
the stares from the creeps
from wearing shorts and no sleeves
and I was expected to boil in sweat
in my inglorious, protected clothing set
which covered every inch of my body
except above the neck
but yet the stares continued till I died of heat
didn't spare a pitiful glance at the squirming feat
cause no matter how hot it may be
it's an illegal tragedy for a girl to be
dressed in summer clothes
like any other male in town
and I hate myself
all cause I forgot and oh how I shouldn't have forgotten,
forgotten that I was a girl.
  It was summer when the wind finally blew
and the sounds by the wind chimes steadily grew
I had been boiling in heat and unable sleep
all cause of the torture that my room was deep
deep into the closed door and deep into society
I unlocked the balcony door
and smiled as the wind blew
and it was the first time that I had felt such at ease
and felt happy that I could finally be at peace
but the darkness hid many battles unbeat
so I closed the door and checked the bolts twice
and stayed awake while covered in heat
and scolded myself for being at defeat
for the door is never to be opened at night
unless I'd want to be in an unworthy fight
with an unknown man
who hid in the night.
So I cried of torture and cried for being stupid
cause I had forgotten who I was
I had forgotten I was a girl.
  It had been a casual Sunday morning
full of icy breeze
when it had been exactly a week
since my beloved decided to leave
without telling me of course
of course cause I wasn't classified as a human
human who had feelings
human who didn't even deserve a goodbye.
I was then classified as naive
naive for falling in love
with a person who told me they loved me so
in my darkest hour of solitude.
I was then classified as stupid
for believing a guy
for being happy
for being content
for being at peace after years.
So I cried for days and cried till there was no tear left
 I wasn't as evil
and I never left anyone behind
at the end it was all my fault
my fault for not being good enough
I have never hated myself more than now
All cause I forget that I'm a girl.
 



   -Nikki Gautam